The Mommy Foul

I think I may have been a perpetrator. The Mommy Foul is what happens when a moms tries to direct the actions of another mom's child, especially when said child's mother is there. I've been a victim, too, so I'll start with an example.

I was on a field trip to the cathedral with my kids. As we were walking through the doors into the cathedral, I was opening my mouth to remind Suzanne that we were going into a church and we must behave properly -- be quiet and no running, the idea being that we are reverent to God. Before I could say a word, the organizer of the field trip said this to Suzanne -- it was not a general announcement to the other kids (of which there were none other than her kids, who never run, anywhere, ever). Now, she's not even a church-goer, so I was doubly annoyed. However, she organizes lovely field trips and just happens to have a more controlling personality than I do (hard to believe). I let it slide, probably because, being a church-goer, I am prone to exercise forgiveness (pipe down, I can hear your laughter). And I'm used to this from her -- she is a frequent Mommy Fouler.

Okay, so that was a foul on me.

Here's my foul, though I maintain it was justified. We're at the pool today and my girls were playing beautifully with another little girl, filling a pail with water. The other girl's mom smiled at me. A little boy comes wandering over and picks up another pail, fills it with water, and starts pouring in on the girls' heads. The other girl's mom and I again exchanged looks, unhappy at the interloper. The boy's mother told him to stop and he seemed to ignore her (he had earplugs in his ears to keep out the water) and she sighed heavily. The boy stopped for a bit and went elsewhere. Peace was restored.

The boy came back, this time he flung a toy that nearly hit Gabrielle in the head and then he poured more water over Gabrielle's head. The mother of the other girl seemed shocked. I was not about to sit around sighing heavily because the boy did not listen to his mother. I got up and said to the boy (loudly because of his earplugs), 'please don't pour water on her, she doesn't like it.' That got the mom's attention; she must not have seen the toy flung, because that was worse than the water pouring, in my opinion.

The mom came over and admonished her son for pouring water. Then she made some sort of defense to me that he had earplugs and some other excuse about his behavior. I said only "it was the third time he poured water on her" and otherwise ignored her. I think she was annoyed with me but she eventually got over it. If you're going to be ineffectual, prepare to be fouled.

That said, I don't think we can control our kids, especially very young children -- we can teach them not to harm others or property, we can expect some courtesies, but a lot of things are just beyond their understanding and ability. I have two daughters, I think moms of boys tend to be more laid back because this principle is made obvious to them so early in their sons' lives.

Dads don't seem to be as constrained as Moms -- I've seen some pretty harsh Daddy fouls. My favorite was when one kid was pushing by a younger child on a pool ladder. The younger child's dad was right there and plucked the older kid off the ladder saying that his child was climbing it. It was an egregious Daddy foul but it matched the kid's egregious behavior (he was old enough to know better). I envied and admired that Dad's guts. Moms tend to be so nice and chirpy when they ask a child not to attack their child. I'm not that nice -- not anymore. If the mom isn't handling it, I'm the hammer.

I'm Back

Howdy -- I was off teaching Vacation Bible School last week, which is why I didn't post -- I was too darned tired. Anne knew that but I just thought I'd share the reason with our dear readers. I've come to the conclusion that involvement in such kiddie activities is not for me.

VBS is well run; the administrators are models of efficiency; and its a great opportunity to meet other moms and dads. But the whole schoolish environment is not my bag and I'm not good at it. Suzanne adjusted to it at the end pretty well, but I just don't see it as necessary and the opportunity cost is not worth it to me.

Though there was one year I really enjoyed VBS [yes, another Ode to Anne is coming], it was when I helped Anne in the kindergarten classroom three years ago. It felt a lot like re-living sorority rush -- not that that was something I'd need to re-live, but the decorations and uniform t-shirts and happy, bright, cheery songs reminded me of rush. "Come little rushie, listen to me, Christ-i-anity is the religion for me." Anyway, working with a good friend is the way to do these types of things. Unfortunately, none of my good friends will teach with me....I wonder why?

No matter, I'm learning to take experiences for what they are and look at what they teach me rather than try to judge them as good or bad. Perhaps my Eastern philosophical bent these days points out that plugging Christianity to kids is not my talent. Of course, I don't think this line of thinking is purely Eastern, Jesus has a lot to say about not judging things as well, but sometimes I 'hear' better when I read it elsewhere.

Oh yeah, Suzanne was asking me about death the other day. I think I bumbled it a bit. I've put a request in at our library for the book The Next Place. I have no idea if this book will be helpful, but its very gentle. Any suggestions are welcome.