Thursday, June 23, 2005

Chastised! Episode II: Revenge of the Pith

by Marjorie
I've been thinking about my last post in which I was chastised by a stranger for using sarcasm with my child. While there was probably nothing worthwhile I could have said to my critic, I am now in the process of considering pithy responses. Today's incident was not a Costanza moment for me ("oh yeah? Well I slept with your wife!"). I would never want to actually say any of these but its sure empowering for me to think about it.

Responses to "children don't understand sarcasm":

"Shouldn't we do something about that?"

"Oh, was I being sarcastic with my kids?"

"They would if you used sarcasm as much as I do"

"How else am I supposed to entertain myself?"

"Thats nothing, you should hear me at home."

"Hey, I'm not coddling my kids. Its a tough world out there."

"You're assuming I want them to understand what I'm saying."

"Oh, and I guess I shouldn't tell her when she's being a bitch either."

"Oh dear, and I really thought I was a shoo-in for Mother of the Year"

"Its alright, I'm a homeschooler."

Responses to any unsolicited parenting advice:

"That which doesn't kill them, makes them stronger."

"Don't worry, the State has already assigned a social-worker to monitor our family."

Have a pithy comeback ? Share it here!

UPDATE: I'm having too much fun with this, I keep thinking of additional responses

"I'll take it under advisement." -- legalese for 'screw you'

"Thanks for the advice, you will now be mocked on the internet."

"I was raised with sarcasm and I turned out fine."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's my suggestion:

"Just preparing them for how to deal with busybodies like you."


"And I suppose you're suggesting a time-out?"

5:25 PM  
Blogger dgm said...

in response to the "kids don't understand sarcasm. i know because i'm a grandmother" crack, how 'bout: "wow! your grandkids must be pretty stupid," or "maybe you just don't know how to be sarcastic."

(okay, okay,i'm being too harsh...)

6:56 PM  
Blogger clanlally said...

I have a good one...maybe two like I like to use when total strangers stick their faces in my business in a condesending and uppity manner. I generally like to go with a raised eyebrow and a "and YOU are?" said in such a manner that it easily conveys the sentiment of "who the *&^% are you? why the %$^& are you in my koolaid? and shouldnt you be moving along before I take my shoe off and beat you with it?"

damn....I was really hoping the xanax was working. Since i've already committed this second, never fail, pithy ( Im not so sure)response is a simple, "STFU".


7:19 PM  
Blogger Anne Zelenka said...

Geez, these are all really great comebacks. I think I probably would have burst into tears! That or gotten huffy like "And you shouldn't be telling people you don't know how to raise their children."

I especially like Brian's "Just preparing them for how to deal with busybodies like you" but Mike's "shut the f*** up!" has a good feel to it too.

4:55 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

No comebacks spring to mind at the moment, but I just wanted to chime in and say that I am VERY sarcastic with my kids and always have been. Their teachers always rave about their maturity when it comes to "getting" jokes and some have even said that they (as do I) forget in talking to them sometimes that they're children. I think if we raise the bar on what we expect children to be capable of, they rise to it.

12:01 PM  

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