The Tooth Fairy and Other Lies
by Marjorie
My five-year-old lost her first tooth last week. She literally lost it, didn't even know it was gone. She came over to tell me something and I thought she looked funny. She opened wide and the tooth was gone -- I don't think she even knew it. Don't know where it went -- maybe she swallowed it. It was very One Morning in Maine, except we don't live in Maine and it happened inside the house.
I told my friends. One of them asked what the tooth fairy brought. Um, nothing. Suzanne never mentioned the tooth fairy, so I didn't raise the issue.
Here's my problem. Years ago at a playgroup, the butcher's wife mentioned how Santa Claus is the first time many parents purposefully lie to their kids. For some reason, this really struck me. Since then, I haven't played up Santa Claus, she gets enough of it from our culture. We've read books about the historical Santa Claus but I don't really get into the nitty gritty of telling her he's real or unreal, but none of her presents are from Santa -- they come from mom and dad. The same friend who asked about what the tooth fairy brought also asked what Santa brought. She must think I'm a nutcase, maybe thats why she's always so nice to Suzanne.
Anyway, I guess Suzanne hasn't heard much about the tooth fairy -- if she had and had expected a visit, she would have gotten one. But I'm not bringing it up. I'm thinking she's probably headed for therapy and I'm headed for hell.
I told my friends. One of them asked what the tooth fairy brought. Um, nothing. Suzanne never mentioned the tooth fairy, so I didn't raise the issue.
Here's my problem. Years ago at a playgroup, the butcher's wife mentioned how Santa Claus is the first time many parents purposefully lie to their kids. For some reason, this really struck me. Since then, I haven't played up Santa Claus, she gets enough of it from our culture. We've read books about the historical Santa Claus but I don't really get into the nitty gritty of telling her he's real or unreal, but none of her presents are from Santa -- they come from mom and dad. The same friend who asked about what the tooth fairy brought also asked what Santa brought. She must think I'm a nutcase, maybe thats why she's always so nice to Suzanne.
Anyway, I guess Suzanne hasn't heard much about the tooth fairy -- if she had and had expected a visit, she would have gotten one. But I'm not bringing it up. I'm thinking she's probably headed for therapy and I'm headed for hell.
posted by Marjorie at 5:23 PM
5 Comments:
D -- thank you so much for the link -- I loved that post and will be looking at that blog some more. So you're married to a Tom who's a lawyer, so am I [not the same guy] -- no wonder I like your thinking...
Anne -- check out the economic rationale behind the sex frequency post of her DH's blog partner at http://agoraphilia.blogspot.com/2004/10/optimal-sex-frequency.html
I'm all for the magic of children's fantasy lives -- I just don't want to be an active part of telling the story. If I can just get away with being passive about it all, I'm much happier -- like what happened with this tooth.
This is vastly different from having a 'whole truth' policy with kids. As to answering kids' questions, I try to figure out what my kids can understand and answer accordingly. Its easy to assume the kids are looking for more information than they actually want to know. I find answering truthfully often ends up in puzzled looks because they have no idea what I'm saying anyway.
this from Anne's DH, or perhaps just "H"...
My upbringing earned me a PhD in lying, white lies, and spin. Maybe that's why I've transformed myself from techno NASA geek into corporate marketing/bd puke. My Mommy provided me a clear sense that white lies are quite fine and vastly useful, from returning an item well past its "return within" time by claiming the receipt was lost, to refilling extra soda at self-serve soda dispenser's at fast-foods joints. I slowly getting better, but am confident my upbringing has dragged down my DW. Oh well, guess that just proves that opposites attract, and Anne's better for the experience (white lie)...
Our five year old has all her teeth intact, so we haven't even really thought about the tooth fairy yet.
But we have a zillion other fairies in our life. We have the dandelion fairies. They pop up yellow dandelions in our yard.
We also have the fern fairies - they make the ferns rustle in the wind. And there are the lilac fairies. Our neighborhood is full of lilac bushes and the lilac fairies make it smell so yummy.
I could go on and on. (Yes, there's even more.)
My daughter makes up most of them. But I make up some. I think on some level, we both know they aren't "real"...but it is fun and we often huddle under the covers at night making up wonderful stories about all the fairies in our yard.
Sometimes the dandelion fairy leaves me a bunch of dandelions on the front porch. Honestly, I'm delighted. I know it was my daughter and not really a fairy. But I'm still delighted.
So, I imagine that in our house, the tooth fairy will magically whisk a tooth away and leave something in its place. I doubt we'll do money. Maybe something more related to teeth and/or fairies.
Is she lying to me with the dandelions? Will I be lying to her with the tooth fairy? Technically, I suppose we are.
But, oh, how absolutely boring and bland it would be to live in a life without fairies....
I'm waaaay behind here. I wanted to answer Anne's earlier questions about lying. As I think she knows but our other readers may not, I have the biggest problem with Santa and the Easter Bunny because of the tie-in to Christian holidays. I won't tire our readers here with my spiritual/religious ramblings, but I'll probably post on this topic on my other blog, unclimber.
As to lying generally -- I was brought up in a zero tolerance household and was also in an abusive relationship with a compulsive liar, so my views reflect those experiences. Perhaps if my parents had lied to me, I would have recognized my ex's lying earlier.
I also wanted to mention Kristen's comment. I've been reading a lot about Waldorf education and that includes lots of fairy fantasy play. I don't think I have the creativity to come up with the stories, though I don't pass judgment on those who do. I was recently telling Suzanne that the dogwoods were barking, she thought it was really funny -- it telling tales of fairies brings that kind of joy, I can see why people do it.
Jury is still out on the tooth fairy but I think its going to be a non-issue in our house -- Suzanne has had no exposure to it. Santa and the Easter bunny? Well, I'd rather spend my time teaching her Christianity.
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