Friday, June 24, 2005


by Marjorie
I just wanted to link to a post on Donna's blog that I really enjoyed about friends. She mentions how it seems like its harder to make friends as we get older. I agree -- it seemed so easy long ago. Then again, maybe it really wasn't any easier.

Anyway, I often think in terms of 'time and place' friends and real friends. T&P friends are those people we share time and place with but the friendship fades soon after the time and/or place changes. I had some really nice friends from my various places of work -- I really enjoyed them, but didn't keep up with any of them. I had some new mom friends that seem to have faded away. Life goes on, I'm glad I shared time and place with them but things change and I made new friends, some T&P, but some maybe be in for the long haul.

It makes me really appreciate my husband, who is my best friend and (barring some indescretion which would ruin his life and cost him a lot of money) with whom I'll spend the rest of my life. But, he's not a girl and I need girlfriends, too. I really cherish the friends I have -- how lucky I am. Life is a lot less lonely when you've got friends.

I guess this post is just a note of affection to Anne, with whom I shared time and place -- but whose friendship is continuing beyond that. I'm lucky to have you.


Blogger Kai Jones said...

Another way to look at friendship is the "reason, season, lifetime" model. You might be friends for a reason, and when the reason is gone, so is the friendship. Or for a season, and when the season changes, so does the friendship.

4:08 PM  
Blogger Anne Zelenka said...

Thanks, Marjorie, that post made my day. Rick's a great friend of mine but certainly can't replace my female friends. I don't think I've made any lasting friendships here on Maui, just some "time and place" ones which makes the real ones like you all the more important.

4:52 PM  
Blogger dgm said...

thanks for the link. my new friend and i were surfing again just yesterday. the sun was out, the water was smooth and the waves fun. then she said, "you know, i really never like surfing that much until we started going out. now i can't wait!"

isn't it funny how there are some friends who, even if you have not seen them for a decade, you can pick up with immediately? and others you can see after a while and wonder, "why is it we were ever friends?" our friends tell us a lot about our selves, who we were and who we've become.

6:49 AM  
Blogger david said...

most of my frineds are time/place type friends. like you I consider my life partner my best friend.

4:08 PM  
Blogger Cynical Mom said...

For me, it is very hard now, and it was very hard back then too. The friendships I did stumble into in my teenage and childhood years were few and far between, difficult to find and make, and didn't last (I even got officially dumped by my high school best friend :-).

My DH is my best friend and right now probably my only true close one. I have plenty of T&P (i.e. work) friends, some of which we see out of work... but underneath it all it's just like high school. That's what really gets me. Like there are people that I have "crushes" on, in that I want to be their friend, but I don't know if they want to be my friend too. I swear I should start writing in a pink diary with a little lock on it, writing out my name with their last name, it's practically the same thing as my girlhood crushes!

8:54 PM  
Blogger Marjorie said...

Hey D-W, I won't dock you liberal points if you called her your 'wife' because I believe you are wedded! :-)

CM, you reminded me of the next wave of 'dating' -- the couples date where you're already married and then you're trying to find couples that fit both of you whom you enjoy [but not in some weird 'swinging' sort of way]! After the 'date' my DH and I sit around, just like we're teens, wondering if they liked us as much as we liked them. We spent a lot of time pining for Rick-and-Anne, but alas, I'm afraid it was an unrequited 'crush.'

2:48 PM  
Blogger Anne Zelenka said...

Cynical - I know where you're coming from. There's a certain person I've met recently and I'd love to be her friend but I'm not sure how to make it happen.

Marjorie - Unrequited, ha! We never thought we were good enough for you! You guys were always watching cool indie movies and going to trendy restaurants in D.C. that we'd never heard of!

7:37 PM  
Blogger dgm said...

how come those of you with "crushes" on potential new friends don't just ask them to spend some minor time with you so you can see if you like each other? maybe just find something you think they might like (a local play or even a movie) or that your kids might enjoy, something that does not require a big commitment or a lot of preparation, and just invite them along? either that or have a smallish party and include them so you can "audition" them in a non-threatening environment.

i guess that's how men (and women who take the initiative to ask someone out) must feel when they are on the dating circuit.

6:55 AM  

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